Author: Kenneth Sakauye, MD

Do You Remember Miss Manners?

Social interactions are governed by rules and standards, such as manners, crucial for maintaining civility and respect in both formal and informal settings. These protocols help prevent hostility, which can lead to feelings of impotence and mental health issues. Promoting civility involves respecting diverse viewpoints and avoiding demeaning behavior. Judith Martin's (Miss Manners) insights highlight the societal need for manners and personal restraint.

Adapting to Intertidal Moments in Society

The sea is a common metaphor for dealing with life. Today we are living in an intertidal moment which is a period that heralds radical change. Rapid technological advancements have changed our lifestyles about every 20-30 years since the early 1900s and created our storms. Using a sea metaphor, the common advice is to anchor during a storm. This aligns the boat to the wind so it won't capsize. The anchor for us are family and friends, rituals or social institutions, feeling useful, and predictability and reliability in at least part of our lives. In general, being hateul, alienating others, tearing down institutions, degrading or demonizing others, and lying is like an unanchored boat in a storm. This a time to re-read and apply posts on how we learn, how psychological defenses can distort our views, and the importance of holding onto certain manners and use motivational interviewing to better interact with others. Mindfulness meditation is an important process in reflecting on our current condition and adapting to these changes.

The Effect of Prejudices

When faced with opposition, individuals may defend their prejudices with false data or conspiracy theories. Prejudices, ranging from racism to climate denial, are emotionally charged and resistant to change, impacting victims significantly. Epley's "Mindwise" outlines prejudice as a human tendency.

Subcomponents of Wisdom

Wisdom is not solely about knowledge, but how it's utilized in one's actions, decisions, and problem-solving. Traits of wisdom, as reviewed by Meeks and Jeste, include prosocial behaviors, practical life knowledge, emotional stability, reflective self-understanding, tolerance, and dealing with uncertainty. To cultivate wisdom, daily mindfulness and reflective practices are recommended.

Motivational Interviewing

Motivational Interviewing, developed by Miller and Rollnick for addiction patients, facilitates conversations on change. Emphasizing empathy and "Right Speech" (truthfulness, non-alienation, kindness), it uses principles to navigate the stages of change without resistance. Open-ended questions encourage self-commitment to change. Future content will introduce a self-rating tool derived from a NIDA study to assess how you are doing.

Transference and Countertransference

Transference involves projecting one's feelings onto an analyst, while countertransference is the reverse. These psychological phenomena stem from our unconscious efforts to find familiar patterns. Such biases can distort relationships, requiring awareness to address them. Upcoming blogs will explore techniques to mitigate these biases.

Building Trust

No one will listen if they don't trust you. The Trust Equation provides a framework to build trust through credibility, reliability, intimacy, and reducing self-orientation. You build trust through understanding, not coercion.

Agism vs Wisdom

Culture has evolved from valuing character traits to prioritizing personality, heavily influenced by social media's focus on appearances and impressions. An example of Ageism have been undue negative comments about President Biden's abilities when elderly individuals retain wisdom and most cognitive functions. Wisdom can be defined by six subcomponents and can be nurtured. Postive psychiatry is a focus on developing traits that enhance psychological resilience and overall well-being.

Psychological Defenses and Cognitive Dissonance

Psychological defenses help manage stress and anxiety, altering perception to ease discomfort when direct action isn't possible. These unconscious mechanisms, as outlined in the Harvard Grant Study, range from immature to mature, to defend against anxiety but also lead to prejudices. Cognitive dissonance theorizes that conflicting beliefs lead to changed attitudes to relieve guilt. Insight and reflection are crucial to tackling prejudice.